By AMY FREESE
DesignHer Living columnist

It seemed everywhere I turned I was being forced to face the conviction of “my yes” and “my no.”  

I found myself traveling down that old familiar and tiring road of rampant rationalizing and reckless reasoning of every yes and no that came my way.  The road that I had consciously decided wasn’t worth traveling was now showing back up on my GPS and saying “turn here.”

Years back I thought my reasoning and rationalizing were good decision making tools.  I thought that if I could justify every feel good or not so feel good moment as a directive of what I should or shouldn’t do, visualize every imaginable and unimaginable outcome, as well as go to the phone and find someone to agree, then I would surmise that surely, I was making the right decision.  Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t, but mostly I just felt exhausted.  I know now that my heady and well-intentioned decision making was only a disguise for a less than faith-filled, control- frenzied female. 

So what was my excuse now? Shouldn’t I be beyond that?  Didn’t I know better? And where was my faith?  Oh, how I wish the lessons we’ve been taught and the lessons we teach we’re that easy.  Unfortunately, I think we’ll always have obstacles and distractions show up at our door like uninvited guests interrupting our day, hoping that we’ll invite them back in for old time’s sake.  These ornery guests will either show up with their engraved invitation tempting us to reconsider their stay or we’ll be quickly convinced that their presence is no longer allowed on the premises.  The guests we keep will reflect just how great of a host to our hearts we are.

There’s always going to be an ornery guest searching the manor in our minds and lurking the hallways of our hearts hoping for an opportunity to keep us dwellers of the dungeon.  When confusion comes knocking and discernment dodges, know that to be your clue it’s time for an address change and a chat with your landlord. 

We’ve never been promised a white picket fence in this neighborhood called life but we are also meant for more than the dark alleys where the fighting between “should I or shouldn’t I” reside.

Only after we turn down the noise of the naughty neighbors in our noggin and announce”‘there’s the door” to the dungeon keeper will we be able to sit comfortably back in the home of our heart where our garden is patiently waiting to bloom once again. 

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 Amy Freese is a professional life coach, motivational speaker and Brentwood mom. Contact her at amy@freeser.net or visit her website at www.amyfreese.com.