Black socks no longer faux pas?

Quick question for anyone over age 25: What is the universal wardrobe choice of nerds and old men?

Black socks with shorts, right? Am I right?

Somehow along the way, though, this well-known sign of fashion atrophy became a hot fashion trend for middle-school boys.

Yes, my kid is walking around Brentwood wearing black socks with shorts. It makes no sense.

When I was 14, the cool boys wore Adidas shorts and long tube socks. And they looked good. There is no way they would have worn black socks with shorts for any reason because that is what the crazy grandpa down the street wore when he mowed the grass.

My sons see no humor at all in the fact that they are wearing black socks with those long, baggy basketball shorts that almost look like skirts. For one of the twins, it is his outfit of choice for school.

I really don’t think they’re trying to be ironic, like when celebrities started wearing trucker hats: “Can you believe I’m wearing this nasty hat? Dude, I look like a trucker! And it’s awesome!”

But my sons do put a lot of thought into their socks, for some reason. I suppose it’s because, for boys, the clothing choices are pretty boring. They have shirts and they have pants. That’s it. Socks and hats are about the only ways they can add variety.

The men in my house rule out certain shirt colors right off the top, like any pastels and certain primaries. Logos are OK if they’re sports-related. The socks, though, keep changing. For the worse.

First they requested “no-show socks” in the fifth grade. ‘Really?’ I thought. ‘You’re making fashion-motivated choices in fifth grade? It wasn’t that long ago you would only wear a Thomas the Tank Engine t-shirt.’

 Then came ankle socks, but only if the ankle socks were black, like the triathletes wear.

When my son told me he needed long black socks for basketball and football, I drew the line … at first.

“Don’t you have to be a really good player to wear that look?” I asked as nicely as I could. I was thinking of the college players I’d seen wearing them on TV and lamenting that my kid wanted to draw so much attention to himself.

At the first game last year, though, I noticed that the hideous black socks were The Thing among all his friends. So I relented.

Long socks, short socks, no-shows. Whatever. We finally acquired a complete supply of black socks.

When it came time for the varsity football game against Woodland last week, I checked that the football-playing twin had all the equipment he needed.

“Yeah, except one thing. We all decided we’re wearing long white socks during the game.”

Jill Burgin calls her column “Joyride” because you never know where she’ll end up. E-mail her at tjburgin@comcast.net.

 Jill Burgin calls her column “Joyride” because you never know where she’ll end up. E-mail her at tjburgin@comcast.net.