As readers of this column can attest, there are seemingly endless situations that require parenting strategies. But, one can ask “What really matters?” Are there some essential parenting practices that increase the likelihood of raising healthy, happy kids? Whatever else, do these.

Be a role model. One of the most powerful ways to transmit your values, your beliefs and the expectations you have for how to be an adult is to show your kids by example. Look to yourself. Everything you expect of your child should be something that you have already expected of (and been accountable for) yourself. Are you the kind of person you want your kid to become? If not, get to work.

Know your kid. What do they like? Who is their best friend? What is their favorite band? To be important to your kid you will need to know something about them as a person. Get to know them (over and over because they keep changing).

Spend time talking to them. The more words kids hear the more successful they become in adulthood. Talk to them. Ask their opinion. Argue with them (about ideas not whether they have to stop texting and go to bed). Discuss current events.

Catch them being good. Notice when they do the right thing. Even more importantly, focus on the aspect of their behavior or responses that reflects how you want them to be (rather than on their weaknesses or problems). Think about what you would want your kid to tell themselves. Say that. This is about creating a self-fulfilling prophecy about being the right kind of person.

Do things together. Your kids are influenced by the values and actions of the people they spend time with. Make sure it is YOU. Have weekly family activities. Vacation together (God forbid). Go for walks. Stargaze. Play board games. Watch movies. Together. In the same room.

Use positive discipline. All parents know that punitive discipline can be fun. (Who doesn’t like to ground their kids or take things away to make them suffer?). However, discipline that is designed to build skills, correct behavior and focus on what they did right is more useful in the long run. Consider punishing them by increasing supervision (annoying to most teens, in and of itself) and give direct instructions about appropriate behavior. Then guide them through the steps so that they have to “do it right this time.” No yelling. No criticizing. No put downs. Lots of “that’s right” and “exactly” and “now you’ve got it.”

Be hopeful. Kids don’t have the perspective to see past hurdles and catastrophes. They will need someone to carry the promise that things can turn out well or be overcome. This doesn’t mean being unrealistic; just optimistic. Hold out the promise of a desirable future. Anticipate their success and happiness in life. Help them recognize the wonders that surround them (for hope resides therein).

Say “Yes.” Encourage, admire and validate. Be specific about what they have done right, performed well or pursued passionately. Kids (and adults too) thrive on support and encouragement. Provide lots of it. The more trouble your kid encounters (or stirs up) the more encouragement, admiration and validation they will need.

Say “No.” Set limits, guide and instruct. Most parents don’t need a lot of practice with this. A surprising number can’t seem to say it or stick with it. The list of things kids learn from being told “no” is long and is related to most positive, desirable life outcomes.

Have a family creed. Your kids should be able to quote a phrase that represents one of the core values of your family. “Do unto others . . .” “Well begun is half done.” “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier” (Mother Theresa). Have them develop a personal motto as well. The search for it is invaluable. The effect of it can color their entire life. Make it visible. Paint it on the wall. Engrave it on jewelry. Refer to it often.

Have regular family meals. There is something about the family sharing a meal on a regular basis that leads to kids becoming well-adjusted, productive adults. Make sure your family eats together (without TV, cell phones or other distractions) several times a week. If you have to rearrange your schedule, do it. If your kids need to miss out on time with friends, tough.

Give them responsibilities. Kids should have chores. One is enough (though there is nothing wrong with them having more). They should be responsible for contributing to the upkeep of the house. They need to pick up after themselves. They should help out when asked. They need to pitch in to pull their weight. This is the obligation people have to those with whom they share a space (and life and community).

Be part of a faith community. Religion matters. Religious people have morals. They care about other people. They expect you to live a life of integrity. They support you in times of need. It helps them know that there is something beyond this crass, commercial world worth setting their sights on. Attending won’t be enough; your family will need to get involved. Go every week. When terrible things happen, faith (and the community you belong to) will get you through it. Make sure it is already there.

Volunteer. Have your family adopt a charitable organization. Money is fine but donating time is more important. Kids need to see that other people struggle. They need to realize they have something to offer others in need (even if, especially if, their family has also been in need). This will help them discover how satisfying it is to give to others. It is the best way to truly feel good about yourself.

Develop (and keep) family traditions. Creating rituals and ceremonies for your family helps structure and define important events like holidays, birthdays, losses and accomplishments. It defines you as a family. Whether through expected developments like growing up and leaving home or unexpected changes like divorce or family crises, traditions will tie your kids to the heart of the family. Food, religious practices, a special place to visit or shared activity are just some of the ways to create (or continue) family rituals. The traditions your kids carry into adulthood will connect them across time, distance and death to those who love them. They are a tangible legacy you will leave your children (and your children’s children).

These parenting practices show up across the ages (and, more recently, through research) as powerful ways to influence your child’s sense of connection to family and community, their feelings of personal accomplishment and contributing to something greater than themselves.

The information presented in this column is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. You should always seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional or other qualified health care provider with any questions you have regarding a psychological, behavioral or medical condition.