“Let’s Roll!” Teens pour out of your front door onto the lawn arguing about “shot gun” and talking over each other about who’s going to be at Sonic as they pile into the car. How could you help but smile? Then, suddenly it occurs to you that none of those kids crammed into your car have any common sense and their lives are in the hands of your idiot teenager who gets distracted when flushing the toilet. As they start the car and begins to back out of the driveway, you break into a run, throwing yourself onto the hood of the car screaming “Stop! Stop!”

Obtaining a driver’s license is a rite of passage for teens in this country. Motor vehicle accidents are the leading cause of death for teens. Passengers in the car increase the risk of fatal accidents (except when girls are passengers in a car driven by a boy, then the risks go down for fatalities and up in other areas.) Despite all the risks posed by teenage drivers, a kid who can drive is a great advantage when family members need to be in several places at once. What’s a parent to do? Let them get a Driver License, that’s what. But, with conditions.

Driver License Requirements. At 16, your kid can legally obtain a Restricted Driver License. The question is what will they need to do to prove they deserve a it? Teens should not only fulfill the legal requirements for a license but also demonstrate that they will operate your vehicle responsibly.

Legal requirements. The first level of independent operation of a vehicle in Tennessee is the Intermediate Restricted Driver License. To qualify, a teenager must be at least 16 years old, possess a Learner Permit for at least 6 months, and successfully complete the driving exam among other things (http://www.state.tn.us/safety/dlhandbook/07chap3.pdf). After one year of successfully maintaining a valid Intermediate Restricted Driver License, teens can obtain an Intermediate Unrestricted Driver License.

History of Responsible Vehicle Operation. It is also important for parents to set some criteria of their own. At the very least, your kid should demonstrate 6 consecutive months of responsible driving (just possessing a permit for 6 months doesn’t qualify). Responsible driving is reflected by safe driving habits, consistent use of driving safety skills, and no moving violations, automobile accidents or citations of any kind. (Refer to previous column on obtaining a Learner Permit for examples.) Restart the 6 month clock if they violate of any of these criteria.

Expectations of Licensed Drivers. Sit your kid down and have a talk about what you expect from them as a licensed driver. Be sure to include a review of the law, texting and cell phone use, errands and grade expectations.

Legal Restrictions. Tennessee law requires drivers with an Intermediate Restricted Driver License to drive only between the hours of 6AM and 11PM (except for school, work, or hunting AND these require carrying a parent permission form), have only one passenger under the age of 21 unless the other minor passengers are siblings being reared in the same house traveling to and from school, again, carrying a parent permission form.

Texting and Cell Phones. Texting is 8 times more dangerous than driving drunk. Cell phone conversations are statistically as dangerous as drunk driving. It’s also against the law. In Tennessee, anyone texting while driving will receive a $50 fine plus court costs. A driver with a Learner Permit or Intermediate Driver License caught driving while using a cell-phone (with or without a hands free device) will be fined $100 and may receive delayed eligibility for the next license type. Since texts and calls have a time stamp, it’s easy to monitor.

Errands. All children living in the home with a valid Driver License are required to run whatever errands their parents assign them. No questions. No whining. If they don’t like it, have them hand you the keys.

Grade Expectations. Whoever pays for insurance saves money when a teenager maintains a “B” average. This requirement ties driving to the larger arena of life and long term financial planning.

Driving Expenses. Someone has to purchase the vehicle your kid will drive as well as pay for the fuel, liability insurance and maintenance and repairs. If you require your kid to be responsible for everything from buying the vehicle to covering the cost of upkeep, they will already be learning the life lessons this responsibility presents. The more important of these lessons being a) things are more expensive than you thought and b) you never have as much mad money as you figured. Unfortunately, the financial pressure of purchasing and maintaining a vehicle can cause some teenagers to shift their priorities to making enough money to cover these expenses and still be able to buy stupid stuff. Keep an eye on this kind of short term thinking. You may have to intervene to refocus their priorities.

If your kid is lucky enough to have parents who can make a vehicle available to them, it will be useful to build in some financial responsibility for this privilege. Few kids have a realistic idea of the cost of living, even in families with limited means. Any opportunity for parents to help their kids appreciate the hidden costs of everyday items will help them develop a better perspective on what life will be like on their own. (On the other hand, they may also just decide to mooch off you for the rest of their lives. Prying kids out of the house will be the topic for another column.)

Typical expenses associated with driving include the cost of the vehicle, fuel, insurance, and vehicle maintenance.

Vehicle acquisition. Your kid may have to purchase their own vehicle, either because of your values system (e.g., work to earn what you have) or limited finances. For some reason, kids who have to purchase their own vehicles seem to be much more protective of it than kids who are given a vehicle. This alone can reduce many of the risks associated with teen driving. If they will be using a family vehicle, requiring them to make some kind of contribution to offset the expense of the vehicle or its upkeep can help instill a greater sense of responsibility.

Auto Insurance. Car insurance for teenagers is EXPENSIVE! Most of us are looking at around $2200 a year per kid. That approaches 50% of the income for a teenager working 20 hours a week at minimum wage. If you don’t require your kid pay for this outright, this is another expense category to which they can be required to contribute. It is extremely frustrating to have your money go for unsexy things like automobile insurance (and health insurance and home infrastructure repairs and taxes). They might as well learn this lesson now.

Fuel. If your kid is responsible for provide their own fuel, they will readily come to understand the unpleasant reality of hidden expenses. It would be so much more fun to buy something cool with that money. If you provide funds for fuel, consider establishing a set amount to be provided on a given day each week. This requires them to manage this money and monitor their mileage. Hopefully, they will mis-allocate the money (“Dude! I’m starving!”) or do too much driving around and run out of gas before the next installment. That is a really useful lesson.

Vehicle Maintenance. Like insurance, vehicle maintenance is expensive. Unlike insurance payments, it crops up unexpectedly. This expense category is just chocked full of lesson learning.

Trust but verify. Every now and then, when your kid drives off, get in your vehicle and tail them. You don’t have to tell them if all goes well. Although, there is some value in your kid knowing that you are not above sneaking around to double-check on them. Regardless, spying is a perfectly legitimate parenting technique. Especially if you discover problems.

Violations. Finally, it is important to clarify what will happen if your kid violates your rules for operating a vehicle. Here are some suggested guidelines for consequences that are consistent with a view that your job is to help your teen become a responsible, safe driver.

Texting and cell phone use while driving. It is so convenient! And, besides, what could go wrong? Confiscate the cell phone for a week. If it happens again, confiscate the cell phone for 2 weeks and drop their driving privileges down to Learner Permit for 1 month. If it happens a third time, permanently cancel their cell phone service.

Traffic Citation. While any traffic citation your kid receives should be taken seriously, moving violations carry the greatest risk and potential cost. The consequences will have two levels. First, the state will assign points for the violation that will determine whether your kid will be driving in the near future. Second, you will also have something to say about their poor driving habits. Actions have consequences. Consider holding your child responsible for any increase in automobile insurance (if they are not already paying for their own insurance). It will also be important to review their driving habits. This can be best accomplished by reducing their driving privileges to the Learner Permit level for 1 month to enable you to observe them and correct any poor driving habits. It will be a great opportunity to spend quality time with your kid.

Police, no ticket. Some kids have the great good fortune of being stopped by a police officer who remembers what THEY were like during the teen years. While your child has technically broken the law, officers will occasionally decide to let parents address the problem rather than writing a citation. This would also warrant reducing their driving privileges to Learner Permit for 1 month to enable you to review their driving habits.

Automobile accident for which your kid is responsible. Taking responsibility means that if you screw up, you fix it. They wreck the car; they pay for the damages. Insurance costs increase, they are responsible for the costs.

Neighborhood Watch. Sometimes you will be informed of problems with your kid’s driving by friends and neighbors. These complaints are the equivalent of being stopped by the police without being ticketed.

Driving under the influence. Zero tolerance. This kills people. First offense, revoke all driving privileges for at least 6 months (or permanently, depending on how strongly you wish to make your point). Second offense, permanently revoke driving privileges in any vehicle you own and consult; your kid has a substance use problem.

As with all parenting, if the system ain’t broke don’t fix it. By paying close attention to early driving habits and your kid’s attitude, you can usually tell if you need to provide more structure. When you add more structure, most kids will come right into line. Happily, confiscating those keys is a remarkably effective consequence.

The information presented in this column is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. You should always seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional or other qualified health care provider with any questions you have regarding a psychological, behavioral or medical condition.