The fine art of 'writing' salads

I belong to two writing groups. One assigns topics to write about for each session. Last week the topic was “salads.”

What kind of salad should I discuss? Is it garden salad with lettuce and all those veggies in it? What could I say about that? It’s just a bunch of raw vegetables all stirred up together in a bowl and slathered with some kind of dressing. Maybe I could write about how difficult it is to eat it politely in “polite” company. I seem always to spear pieces of lettuce one size larger than my mouth and often drool dressing down my chin and onto my tie.

Or maybe tuna salad made with tuna (of course) and mayonnaise and other goodies including sometimes even pasta. I never liked tuna salads.

There are hot salads, cold salads, even frozen salads. Some have lettuce, some do not. Some have layers, even up to seven. I always have trouble eating that one. Do I eat each layer separately or do I mix them together? I try to watch my hostess for a clue — usually without success. She is too busy hostessing to eat.

There are salads made of asparagus, avocado, beans (one bean or three), beets, blueberries, broccoli, berries of one sort or another, shrimp and of course, chicken to name a few.

And there are geographic salads. We eat Oriental salads, Scandinavian coleslaw, Southern salads, California salad and my favorite, Greek salad. It’s mostly tomatoes, peppers and feta cheese. I don’t need to wrestle with lettuce with that one.

You might be served ecclesiastical salads — heavenly hash, paradise salad, deviled tomatoes or try an intergalactic offering, a stardust salad.

Or, if you are desperate for an interesting salad, serve a surprise salad.

There are many, many salads to write about — too many to decide.

I think I just won’t write about salads.

Retired pediatrician Bill Fleet now spends his days working with wood (“mostly making sawdust”), fishing (“but not very well”), puttering around his garden and writing. He has lived in Brentwood since 1974. Click here to read his recent columns.